Mary was not the best student in her Sunday school and usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe? " When Mary didn't stir, Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty! " shouted Mary.
The teacher said, "Very good! " and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior? ", but Mary didn't even stir from her deep slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ! " shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good! " and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? " Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half! "
The Teacher fainted.
So ends the lesson and the moral is -poking around may get you answers but they may not be what you expect!!!'
MAZMATTERS a place where I can write, think and learn a bit.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Last Day of Holidays
Well the day I did not want to face two weeks ago has come all too soon. Yes today is the last day of my Christmas Holidays! Oh well it had to happen and one needs to be philosophical..
Hope I can manage to get up in time for the train. The last few days I really have been on holiday time.
With the passing of the years it seems like the good times fly by faster than they ever did. However I am lifted a bit by the line from my "Senior Wit & Wisdom" calendar (which a thoughtful person gave to me for Christmas - can always uses a new source of one-liners). Todays jewel was: "One consolation of ageing is realizing that while you have been growing old you friends haven't been standing still in that matter either."
True! ... but then if we all get old at once you probably don't want to be the one who lives longest as it could get pretty lonely even with Social Media.
Any way enough windswept philosophic brooding for one day and back to the real tasks that only a true grumpy old man can handle, namely: bitching about having to go back to work,
Hope I can manage to get up in time for the train. The last few days I really have been on holiday time.
With the passing of the years it seems like the good times fly by faster than they ever did. However I am lifted a bit by the line from my "Senior Wit & Wisdom" calendar (which a thoughtful person gave to me for Christmas - can always uses a new source of one-liners). Todays jewel was: "One consolation of ageing is realizing that while you have been growing old you friends haven't been standing still in that matter either."
True! ... but then if we all get old at once you probably don't want to be the one who lives longest as it could get pretty lonely even with Social Media.
Any way enough windswept philosophic brooding for one day and back to the real tasks that only a true grumpy old man can handle, namely: bitching about having to go back to work,
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| This Cartoon explains pretty much why I prefer holidays to work. Although its pretty life relevant too!! |
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Post Melbourne - Day 5 Back Home
Last day was mostly about getting home but we did manage another brief escape into the magic world of Melbourne retail before we were needed to collect our bags and be ready for the shuttle to the airport. In the true Asian way the driver was determined to fit every last human possible into that mini-van of his - even us big well rounded Anglo humans. Needles to say we humped and bumped all the way to the airport and were treated to an exciting departure on the road as it were. Surviving all that and the long check in lines we made it home around five. Away is good but still think home is better.
Following some of the pictures from the trip:
Following some of the pictures from the trip:
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| Its my little Brown Tram u know what I mean!!!! |
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| Market Town in the Docklands or "Death by Credit Card" |
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| See they did have Padded Cells |
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| Princess Theatre Hairspray the Musical Heaven!!!! |
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| St Paul's Cathedral is a lovely building |
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Melbourne Day 3
Started day with trip to Federation Square and NAGV (Art Gallery) - have been before but given the artworks housed there it's always worth another go. They also had special exhibition on self portraits, very good. Then across Flinders St to check out St Paul's Cathedral - wrong religion but beautiful building none the less.
Then up to Burke St & Myers to bag the elusive bargain (or should that be to bargain the elusive bag)? In amy event watch out ankles - more pain. Mercifully prices to high so on to lunch via Royal Arcade. We ate at Dinkum Pies and had a home made 'tato' pie feast.
Richmond next - oh yes reliable info says more DFO Ops here. Somehow a 30% knock down on a dress or some shoes is seen as the main reason for flying this far south. As Spock would say: "it defies logic captain" but then he's a pointy eared alien. & definitely not female. The main reasons for being have been great so I not complain. Just grin and blog.
Day ended with a crowded trip to the Queen Victoria Night Market. Very crowded as live music that night.
We stayed for a while then walked our way back to the hotel restaurant for a late meal.
Very tired and sore but happy by days end.
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| Tried to hatch big green M&M outside Federation Square but no chocolate |
Then up to Burke St & Myers to bag the elusive bargain (or should that be to bargain the elusive bag)? In amy event watch out ankles - more pain. Mercifully prices to high so on to lunch via Royal Arcade. We ate at Dinkum Pies and had a home made 'tato' pie feast.
Richmond next - oh yes reliable info says more DFO Ops here. Somehow a 30% knock down on a dress or some shoes is seen as the main reason for flying this far south. As Spock would say: "it defies logic captain" but then he's a pointy eared alien. & definitely not female. The main reasons for being have been great so I not complain. Just grin and blog.
Day ended with a crowded trip to the Queen Victoria Night Market. Very crowded as live music that night.
We stayed for a while then walked our way back to the hotel restaurant for a late meal.
Very tired and sore but happy by days end.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Melbourne Day 2
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| Ned Kelly's Armour |
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| Main Corridor Melbourne Jail |
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| Spot Where Ned Kelly was Executed |
Today we started with breaky at the hotel. Ok but do think coffee was made with Yarra mud. Then off to the little brown FREE tram to Russell St to visit the old Melbourne Jail and watch house. Amazing place. Like most jails you can feel the pain of the men and women who died there. Finally got to see Kelly's Death Mask and the very place where he was launched to eternity saying only "such is life". Watched re-enactment of his trial somewhat typical of British justice of the time and not pro Irish. All in all well worth the ticket.
From there on to Carlton Garden, then the old Exhibition Centre and Melbourne Museum. The Museum is most impressive. Interactive exhibits. Best of the old the new. Worth visit.
Capped afternoon with a visit to Crown Casino. Much like Star City - not my thing really.
In all a good day with good weather.
Tonight Musical Hairspray at Princess Theatre.
Melbourne Day 1
Flew out from Sydney today for start of a three day break with Cheryl in Melbourne. Greeted by what passes for a sunny day in Melbourne at 16 degree with a promise of reaching 21 degrees later. Everything so far has been delayed flight, shuttle to hotel etc. Obviously they weren't expecting us.
Later we arrived at the hotel and managed to check in and then to have lunch at Brown Sugar - 1 of 3000 restaurants in Melbourne or so I'm told.
We head of to the Little Brown FREE tram and found our way to Docklands Market Town. I tell you this must be the elephants grave yard of dress and bag shops. Never seen so much feminine bling and glad rags in one stretch of street. This took most of remaining afternoon.
Back at the hotel now after lovely dinner.
Later we arrived at the hotel and managed to check in and then to have lunch at Brown Sugar - 1 of 3000 restaurants in Melbourne or so I'm told.
We head of to the Little Brown FREE tram and found our way to Docklands Market Town. I tell you this must be the elephants grave yard of dress and bag shops. Never seen so much feminine bling and glad rags in one stretch of street. This took most of remaining afternoon.
Back at the hotel now after lovely dinner.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Newspaper Foot-in-Mouth
Following are some genuine news bloopers from American newspapers: source an article by Richard Lederer, author of "Anguished English ".
On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks go out to those sending flowers, cards and contributing to the death of her husband.
The airplane was only a few feet from the ground when it crashed, witnesses said.
With the exception of victimless crimes (which need not concern us here), every single crime committed in this nation of ours involves a victim.
A purple lady's bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently.
Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governor's task force on driving while intoxicated.
He hasn't even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated.
Montreal police don't hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations or persuasion they feel they need to control morality in the city and prevent it from getting a foothold.
A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday.
On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks go out to those sending flowers, cards and contributing to the death of her husband.
The airplane was only a few feet from the ground when it crashed, witnesses said.
With the exception of victimless crimes (which need not concern us here), every single crime committed in this nation of ours involves a victim.
A purple lady's bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently.
Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governor's task force on driving while intoxicated.
He hasn't even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated.
Montreal police don't hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations or persuasion they feel they need to control morality in the city and prevent it from getting a foothold.
A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday.
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