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Friday, February 4, 2011

Bogans on a Train


In the 2006 Hollywood movie Snakes on a Plane (not one of cinemas proudest moments) an FBI agent played by Samuel L Jackson (who now probably regrets the role) takes on a plane full of deadly poisonous snakes, deliberately released to kill a witness being flown from Honolulu to Los Angeles to testify against a mob boss. Sam's best line in the flick is "I have had it with these F@$#ing snakes on this plane". Well Sam this week has been my week for commuting with Bogans who in their natural state can be almost most as frightening and difficult to deal with as venomous reptiles.



Example of a Bogan - People travel inside the train stupid
Bogan encounters of the First Kind - bad but understandable behavior
First there was the cranky old guy who got on at Redfern and immediately started abusing everyone in sight - "you c_t you f_k bastards!" he yelled "Me hip's sore" etc. At first my mate and I thought he was drunk as did most of the other passengers. Then he started doing the old line "I died for you 25 times at Gallipoli", no doubt some twisted logic indicating that if he ranted long enough he'd intimidate a chair out of someone. Still no-one stood up and most of the women were as anyone could see scared of him. At this point he decided to focus his full attention on my mate and I - regaling us with a menu of "f" and "c" phrases fit to make your ears bleed. He moved over to my mate and and pulled out his gold pensioner concession card to prove he was old and entitled to special treatment; namely, a seat. At the point where he started to moan about hip surgery I got up and gave him my seat though there were many younger who should have done so. I let him have my seat just to shut him up and be done with his abuse. But also I felt a little sorry for him and could at least understand his rudeness. So this was Bogan one for the week and probably the better of my two encounters for there was no explaining the next lot.


Bogan encounters of the Second Kind - bad intolerable behavior
The second Bogan encounter was a group of four young people and their children who got on at Parramatta and managed to live up to every stereotype of bad behavior and dysfunction by the time they got off the train at Mount Druitt. Liberally they had rough words to hurl at Chinese guy basically for being Chinese, then they turned their attention to an African women and her child for reasons known only to themselves. Finally when they realised that no-one on the train was finding them funny and were mostly wishing they'd shut up they started hurling their insults at large. I did not get involved this time because they were truly frightening people and all I could really do is sit there and feel sorry for their kids who may sadly grow up to follow their example.


Out of both events I was left to wonder what becomes of those wonderful train police who are everywhere when it comes to checking tickets and writing fines and nowhere to be seen when they are needed to put people straight in terms of behavior and following rules like those to do with vacating seats for "older" or "disabled passengers".

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Humor of the Tech Support kind

Below is a litany of tech support humor recently acquired which because it is not made up is even more funny and worth a read:


Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine.  I can't get my DVD out !!!
Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure it's really stuck.
Tech Support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet.  It's still on my desk . . . sorry.  Thank you.
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Tech Support: Click on the 'MY COMPUTER' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech Support: Hello.  How may I help you?
Male Customer:  Hi . . . I can't print.
Tech Support: Would you click on 'START' for me and . . ..
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me.  I'm not Billi Gates!!!
Tech Support: Thank you Mister Abbott
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Customer: Good afternoon, this is Martha.  I can't print.  Every time I try, it says . . .. 'CAN'T FIND
PRINTER'.  I even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still
says it can't find it!!!
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Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah . . . . . . . . . . thank you.
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Tech Support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11 store.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure your keyboard is plugged into the computer?
Customer: No.  I can't get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and take ten steps backwards.
Customer: Okay.
Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.  Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here.  Wait a moment please. . . . . . .  Ah, that one does work.
Thanks.
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Tech Support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.
Customer: Is that '7' in capital letters?
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech Support: Are you absolutely sure you used the correct password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure.  I saw my co-worker do it.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
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Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech Support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem! My friend has placed a screen saver on my computer . . . but, every time I move my mouse, it disappears.
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Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it.
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk because she had a problem with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The man sitting next to me is by
a window, and his printer is working fine!
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And to finish of the list ...

Tech Support: Okay Bob, press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now, type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a 'P'.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean ?
Tech Support: 'P' . . . on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!
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