1) partridge retained, but pear replaced by plastic hanging plant
2) Two turtle doves are redundancy, simply not cost effective. Their romance during working hours could not be condoned -positions therefore, eliminated
3) Three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.
4) Four calling birds will be replaced by automated voice mail system, with call waiting.
5) Five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors.
6) Six geese-a-laying constitutes luxury which can no longer be afforded. 3 geese will be let go.
7) Seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order.
8) Eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. Militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching
9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps
10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work politicians. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed politicians especially in NSW next year
11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the law society seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing "), a decision is pending. Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number."
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