Political Correctness and other Verbage

Sometimes I am amused how people think that turning a well understood term or phrase into a sentence aids communication. Nor is it clear why such a process is believed to make harsh words easier to take. The very notion of "Political Correctness" is a misconception implying for example that it is some how wrong to tell a blind person he is blind and can't see but ok to be inaccurate and call them "visually challenged". Fact is blind people can't see and their real challenge is that and not anything visual, just coping with the darkness of being unable to see.

It seems to me if we paid more attention to being correct and less to being "politically correct" there'd be better communication and understanding.

This prompted by the following humorous PC list of possible alternate terms -

He does not have a FAT BEER GUT but has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a CRAP DANCER but he is RHYTHMICALLY UNDER RESOURCED

The Librarian did not GET LOST IN HER OWN LIBRARY ALL THE TIME but she INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He does not SLEEP AROUND its just that he is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.

He is not BALDING just in a state of FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

She is not a CRADLE SNATCHER she just prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL. RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK but he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG but he is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT but he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He does not STINK but he has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.

He was not a GROPING PERVERT but suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.

He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS but has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.

She does not IGNORE YOU but has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.

They are not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB they just LACK HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.

He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.

Its not not that they act like a TOTAL ASS they just developed a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

"Premier State" or "State of Fear"

Once upon a time NSW use to be called the "Premier State" but if Channel Seven Sydney's "Today Tonight" is to believed it should be restyled the "State of Fear".

My goodness their main story tonight (30/4/2012) was that there are green fluorescent germ things lingering on every train door handle, train seat etc.

A germ fest waiting to kill you - or - more likely is it just more rabid paranoia being promoted by News Ltd favorite TV network?

Why has keeping people informed become an excuse for keeping us all in a constant "State of fear". It is almost like the people programing for these television stations have taken their strategy from the novel 1984.

Writing Tips of the Fun Kind

The following is a humorous list of writing tips:
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren't necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. "
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Understatement is always best.
15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
22. Don't never use a double negation.
23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
24. Do not put statements in the negative form.
25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
28. A writer must not shift your point of view.
29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.
32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
37. Always pick on the correct idiom.
38. The adverb always follows the verb.
39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives."

Common Sense Definitions

This is a list of Common Sense definitions not to be taken too seriously and definitely with a grain of salt....

A is for

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

B is for

BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mother to be a self-cleaning facility.

C is for

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps the minutes and often wastes the hours.

D is for

DATE: Infrequent outings with dad where mother can enjoy worrying about the family in a different environment and surroundings.

E is for

EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFUL THINKING."

F is for

FABLE: A story often told by a teenager arriving home later than promised. Alternative is politicians explaining policies.

G is for

GUM: Adhesive for use in many common emergencies, cracked radiators, loose hair-piece, wobbly dentures.

H is for

HINDSIGHT: The parental experience that comes from changing too many diapers.

I is for

INFLATION: A method for cutting money in half without damaging the paper it's printed on.

J is for

JUNK: What mother calls Dad's stuff and Dad calls mothers stuff.

K is for

KISS: Mothers most effective medicine. Dads favorite treatment.

L is for

LEMONADE STAND: US concept by which complex business venture created requiring mother to buy powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups and sets up a table (lemonade stand) chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit at stand there for three to six minutes and netting a profit of 15 cents.

M is for

MAYBE: When spoken by parents means No. Uttered by politicians means "don't know"!

N is for

NAIL POLISH: Part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick, eyeliner, blush etc. which ironically make older women look better while making their young daughters look "like a tramps."

O is for

OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mothers nickname for Dad.

P is for

PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind swings under her skirt.

Q is for

QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left home.

R is for

REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner found in the kitchen.

S is for

SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandparents.

T is for

TOWELS: See "FLOOR COVERINGS ".

U is for

UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

V is for

VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

W is for

WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.

X is for

XOXOXO: Motherly salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid's lunch box even more mortifying.

Y is for

"YIPPEE! ": What mother's shout the first day of school.

Z is for

ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it."

Please add more words if you are so inclined.

Discrimination grows with Age

Choosing one thing in favor of another is a normal part of life or so you think! That is until the thing being chosen is other people over you. Chosen because they are perhaps younger, less experienced but cheaper to employ. It's such a loud penny when it drops that at first it does leave you in shock. But you quickly realize that age based discrimination is with all our laws and tribunals alive and well in this marvelous if not often uncharitable world of ours.

I once saw a film about the Eskimos that showed that when their old folk got too old to chew leather because their teeth are gone they are left to the snow and the polar bear to be eaten and return in the spirit of the hunt and in that way be useful to the tribe. Then I thought how cruel how barbarous. Now I have second thoughts and think at least in their way there is some dignity. Our way is to just slowly strip the old of self esteem, then respect and then to chuck them on the scrap pile of some nursing home verandah to quietly forget about them.

These are just some grey thoughts for a bleak day. But would it not be good to be able to feel worthwhile and valued beyond what some stingy tight assed boss who is just as old as you thinks is your use by date. Know I feel it now I'm in my 50s and bet I'm not alone!

Age is like a wall for the longer it last the bigger and more impressive
 it gets and  the more holes  start to appear in it.

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard

I found this from this 80s view of the working world from the Seinfeld Show to be very funny. The following are George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard.

"Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria.

People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet.

Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do."

Might have been the 80s but this is still accurate today. Work is more about perception than what things really are.

How my Garden Grows

Some pictures of my garden front and back. Flowers are blooming and all is looking good...

Flowering blue Irisis in my back garden.

Tropical plants with bright red bulbous flowers.

Veggie garden is under way with all the staples growing. Cucumber, Salad and lettuce.

Lemon Balm and various herbs sre doing well.

Love being surrounded by beautiful plants.