One way all men are Created Equal

Hearing and seeing the events that transpired in Federal Parliament the other day as the Member for Dobell stood up to speak for his political existence it was interesting to be a fly on the wall watching from a comfy spot in front of a television. It was worrying to realise during the speech how flimsy and lightly held the key principles on which our free society is based are are and how poorly defended they are by those charged with the responsibility of rising above their own base ambitions for power and success.

Regardless of how much or how little you may agree or disagree with Mr Thomson's defence, allegations or reason given in his explanation, one basic point was made and made quite validly, in the opinion of this writer and that is, the point that neither Parliament or the Media are the place for anyone to be tried, convicted and indeed found guilty. 


As the quote from Harper Lee's book To Kill a Mockingbird used by Mr Thomson states ". . . there is one way in this country in which all men are created equal – there is one human institution that makes a pauper the equal of a Rockefeller, the stupid man the equal of an Einstein, and the ignorant man the equal of any college president. That institution, gentlemen, is a court. […] Our courts have their faults, as does any human institution, but in this country our courts are the great levelers, and in our courts all men are created equal". 


In the case of Mr Thomson there has been:

Book Cover To Kill a Mockingbird

• no court involved, 
• no testing of evidence to any acceptable legal standard, 
• no judgement before an untainted open minded jury of reasonable men. 

There has only been a Fair Work report which has been criticised by all  for the time it took to produce, its quality and the many ways it leaves more questions open then it resolves. There have been no charges laid by any police authority and no charges based on any civil law or legislation. What has in fact come to pass is an almost unanimous taint of guilt liberally smeared by an opposition's belief  that its their best chance of bringing down a minority government;  a view supported by an equally self interested media wanting an early election because it's good for business.


From this has flowed an almost constant leaking of information to all corners of the media, information that is as yet unproven, unauthenticated information, documents and allegations by interested parties to a point where a fair defence for Mr Thomson in a proper legal sense has been rendered almost impossible. 


From this comes my view that basic rights like "habeas corpus", "the presumption of innocence" "equality before the law"  are from the situation of Mr Thomson shown to be  fragile and poorly defended as key concepts on which or legal system and free society are based. Like the treatment dealt out to certain Australians like those held as terror suspects by the US it seems that - how much our legal system is allowed to work for you - is more to do with the political ends of certain political parties and the media who support them than the notion that such concepts are not negotiable if democracy is to function properly. To quote Harper Lee again - "I'm no idealist to believe firmly in the integrity of our courts and in the jury system – that is no ideal to me, it is a living, working reality."

Political Correctness and other Verbage

Sometimes I am amused how people think that turning a well understood term or phrase into a sentence aids communication. Nor is it clear why such a process is believed to make harsh words easier to take. The very notion of "Political Correctness" is a misconception implying for example that it is some how wrong to tell a blind person he is blind and can't see but ok to be inaccurate and call them "visually challenged". Fact is blind people can't see and their real challenge is that and not anything visual, just coping with the darkness of being unable to see.

It seems to me if we paid more attention to being correct and less to being "politically correct" there'd be better communication and understanding.

This prompted by the following humorous PC list of possible alternate terms -

He does not have a FAT BEER GUT but has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a CRAP DANCER but he is RHYTHMICALLY UNDER RESOURCED

The Librarian did not GET LOST IN HER OWN LIBRARY ALL THE TIME but she INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He does not SLEEP AROUND its just that he is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.

He is not BALDING just in a state of FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

She is not a CRADLE SNATCHER she just prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL. RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK but he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG but he is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT but he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He does not STINK but he has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.

He was not a GROPING PERVERT but suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.

He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS but has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.

She does not IGNORE YOU but has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.

They are not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB they just LACK HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.

He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.

Its not not that they act like a TOTAL ASS they just developed a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

Writing Tips of the Fun Kind

The following is a humorous list of writing tips:
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren't necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. "
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Understatement is always best.
15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
22. Don't never use a double negation.
23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
24. Do not put statements in the negative form.
25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
28. A writer must not shift your point of view.
29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.
32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
37. Always pick on the correct idiom.
38. The adverb always follows the verb.
39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives."

Common Sense Definitions

This is a list of Common Sense definitions not to be taken too seriously and definitely with a grain of salt....

A is for

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

B is for

BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mother to be a self-cleaning facility.

C is for

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps the minutes and often wastes the hours.

D is for

DATE: Infrequent outings with dad where mother can enjoy worrying about the family in a different environment and surroundings.

E is for

EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFUL THINKING."

F is for

FABLE: A story often told by a teenager arriving home later than promised. Alternative is politicians explaining policies.

G is for

GUM: Adhesive for use in many common emergencies, cracked radiators, loose hair-piece, wobbly dentures.

H is for

HINDSIGHT: The parental experience that comes from changing too many diapers.

I is for

INFLATION: A method for cutting money in half without damaging the paper it's printed on.

J is for

JUNK: What mother calls Dad's stuff and Dad calls mothers stuff.

K is for

KISS: Mothers most effective medicine. Dads favorite treatment.

L is for

LEMONADE STAND: US concept by which complex business venture created requiring mother to buy powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups and sets up a table (lemonade stand) chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit at stand there for three to six minutes and netting a profit of 15 cents.

M is for

MAYBE: When spoken by parents means No. Uttered by politicians means "don't know"!

N is for

NAIL POLISH: Part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick, eyeliner, blush etc. which ironically make older women look better while making their young daughters look "like a tramps."

O is for

OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mothers nickname for Dad.

P is for

PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind swings under her skirt.

Q is for

QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left home.

R is for

REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner found in the kitchen.

S is for

SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandparents.

T is for

TOWELS: See "FLOOR COVERINGS ".

U is for

UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

V is for

VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

W is for

WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.

X is for

XOXOXO: Motherly salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid's lunch box even more mortifying.

Y is for

"YIPPEE! ": What mother's shout the first day of school.

Z is for

ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it."

Please add more words if you are so inclined.

Funny Twain Lines

Never realised how funny Merk Twain was till I saw this list of quotes:

• "I never let schooling interfere with my education.”


• “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
  .

And more like ....

• “Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.”


• “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”


• “I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.”


• “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”


• “Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”


• “We have the best government that money can buy.”